Lessons of Leadership

Today I want to share with you some lessons of leadership from four-star General Stanley McChrystal's TED talk in 2011. He shares great insight on building relationships versus demanding people to follow you.  He leads his forces by building consensus and shared purpose versus just giving orders.  Take 15 minutes and listen to his talk.  Here are a few takeaways:

Leaders can let you fail, yet not let you be a failure.

When you start as a leader naturally you want to be demanding, set high standards, and be very black and white.  The instinct is that if you are not on the right side of these things then you have failed your followers BUT remember you are working with people.  People do not care how much you know until they know how much you care.

Focus on building people up not tearing them down.  Try to reach their heart and soul and bring them together to what you are trying to accomplish. Create shared vision.

Lead by informing and engaging staff so they can work together and create buy in and make agents of change.

Leaders are not good because they are right, they are good because they are willing to learn and trust.

Is not easy, is not fair but people you have counted on will help you up when you need it. Remember people counting on you, need you on your feet. 

Networking Nuggets

http://www.risingcoacheselite.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/Rising-Coaches-Conference-Notes-July-2014-3.pdf

A quick thank you to Lindsay Scarlatelli and Trey Meyer from Miami of Ohio for sharing with me their notes from the 2014 Rising Coaches Elite conference in Las Vegas. Down below are some great networking nuggets.

Chris Hollender Mississippi State

• Learn one or two things from everyone you meet.
• Be yourself, introduce yourself to others, and hand write notes to people.
• It's not always about the job, it's usually about the PEOPLE.

Kevin Sutton Georgetown

• Write and reach out to 25 people you don't know, 25 people you just met, 25 people you know and 25 people outside of your profession once a week.

Adam Cohen Vanderbilt

• Your assistant coaches are going to get you your next job, not your head coach.
• Write letters, send clinic notes, send film to coaches you want to connect with.  Get to know who you want to know.

From AD Panel:

• It is not who you know, it is who knows you.

Chris Carlson WCC Associate Commissioner for MBB

• Become a specialist in something.
• Be a sparkling conversationalist.
• Write letters to people you know and people you don't know.
• Be a campus ambassador. Be active and sincere.
• Join a toastmasters group.

James Brown ALFA Worldwide LTD

• Create cheerleaders. People who talk about you when you are not around. People that are always delivering a positive message about you.
• Reconsider who you associate yourself with.
• Perfect a 90 second elevator speech. One where you will be remembered positively.
• If people can not get by your appearance then they will never get to the substance.

Trust

Ask any coach what they want from their staff and you will hear trust, loyalty, dependability, initiative and hard working.  These are all great qualities but are not easy to identify from afar.  That is why most jobs are filled based on personal recommendations and experiences and not on your resume. People want to hire people they can trust and that starts by trusting their friends recommendations.

Trust is something we all want but is a little hard to define.  In The Speed of Trust Stephen M.R. Covey explains, "Trust means confidence.  The opposite of trust--distrust--is suspicion.  When you trust people, you have confidence in them--in their integrity and in their abilities.  When you distrust people, you are suspicious of them--of their integrity, their agenda, their capabilities, or their track record."

Think about someone you trust and how you would describe that relationship versus thinking about your relationship with someone you don't trust.  One makes you feel good and the other does not.

Trust is the foundation of every relationship.  If I trust you I am going to be more open and vulnerable. If I don't then I am going to be more closed and guarded.

In order to build trust with me you have to know that I value actions more than words.  Don't tell me what you are going to do, show me.  If I see you following through with your promises that means a lot more to me.  Everyone has great ideas, it is the follow through that separates a lot of people.

"People don't listen to you speak, they watch your feet." Anonymous 

"Trust is established through action..."  Hank Paulson

I highly recommend the book be added to your reading list.  Check out this link to see a quick overview https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CciecbzzH-g

Here are a few other great nuggets from the book:

"Low trust creates a hidden agenda, politics, interpersonal conflict, rivalries, win-lose thinking, defensive and protective communication--all of which reduce the speed of trust.  Low trust slows everything--every decision, every communication, and every relationship." Stephen R. Covey

"We judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their behaviors."

"Trust is a function of both character (integrity, motive, intent) and competence (capabilities, skills, results, track record)."

"Trust is one of the most powerful forms of motivation and inspiration.
People want to be trusted.
They respond to trust.
They thrive on trust.
Practice establishing, extending and restoring trust as an effective way to relate and work with others.  Trust is the most effective way of getting results."

Inspire and be Inspired

If we are lucky we come across people in our lives that make a big difference.  A year ago  I was fortunate enough to meet such a person. Sonya is one of those rare and special souls that you are grateful to know and spend time with.  She helped me coordinate the Whiteboard session last year at UNT and if you ever need to run an event there is no one better.  She is a Veteran of Desert Storm/Shield and a true connector of people.   I am thankful for her friendship and for helping me be a better person and a better coach.  She inspires me to be the best I can be so I would like to share some of the quotes she has shared with me.  

"Relationships are like elevators--the right people will take you up while the wrong people will take you down." Van Moody

"You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with."  Unknown

"People seldom do things to the best of their ability.  They do things to the best of their willingness."  Author Unknown