The Seahawks Mental Edge

After 16 years of coaching there is one thing I am sure of and that is there are many different methods to coaching. I wanted to share with you today a great article about Pete Carroll's "relationship-based coaching."    He believes that it is critical that everyone feels valued and can communicate effectively so the Seattle Seahawks have a sports  psychologist around in practice and on game day because it helps build relationships and gives players and staff an outlet. They believe that in Seattle that their success/outcomes have been a by product of their approach.

Read the full article by Matthew Futterman in the Wall Street Journal at http://www.wsj.com/articles/SB21585079730968673336604580422300739375676#

I can tell you personally that this year we have had a sports psychologist work with our staff and team and it has been a tremendous asset.  Athletes want someone to talk to about their anxieties.  As a coach it has been great to bounce ideas and receive feedback to see if I am taking the best approach to motivate/reach/inspire our players.  That feedback from a third party has been invaluable to my development as a coach and as a person.

How to Help Develop Maturity

Sorry for the long delay in posting but I plan on getting back to at least posting every Thursday during season and hope to get back to posting three times a week after season.  I have been accumulating some great content over the past few months.

Today,  I would like to share with you a book recommendation and a great article.  As leaders, teachers, parents and coaches I think it is fair to say that this generation is growing up in a way different environment then we did.  With that being said, how do we as the adults in their lives help them navigate their way to adulthood with the skills to become successful adults?  First, we have to understand the times they are living in. Secondly, how can we help them become mature adults.

A great resource is Dr. Tim Elmore's Artificial Maturity: Helping Kids Meet the Challenge of Becoming Authentic Adults and here are a few insights from his book:

• Kids think they know a lot but it's virtual because they have experienced so little. They are overexposed to data but under-exposed to real life experiences.
• Kids assume they have experiential knowledge when they only have informational knowledge and with this abundance of knowledge, their confidence soars but it is based on a virtual foundation.
• The overload of information is causing kids to think they are mature. It is fostering over confidence and arrogance. It is also creating low self-awareness.  Self-awareness is what is developed through real-life experience.
• Adolescence want independence but not the responsibility.

Today's kids no longer know the experience of innocence, exploration, and imagination that most of us adults recall from our childhood.  Parents have become so focused on safety that it has prevented children from taking calculated risks and learning to fail, both of which help to mature.
Kids are failing to learn how to resolve conflict, think for themselves, or  do real life problem solving.

How can you help?

• Know they are confident on the outside but anxious on the inside. Create real life experiences.
• Provide autonomy and responsibility simultaneously.
• Provide information and accountability simultaneously.
• Provide experiences to accompany their technology-savvy lifestyles.
• Provide community service opportunities to balance their self-service time.

Another great article I found in Southwest magazine, In Criticism of Praise by Heidi Stevens discusses how to tackles the issue of how too much praise by parents has left a generation of kids with no resilience to deal with failure.  Click here to read the full article. Here are some great take aways from the article which references several resources and professional points of view:

• Failure can motivate kids to brush up on skills and tackle problem from a different approach. And, perhaps most importantly, it can build their resilience.
• When we praise children for their intelligence, we tell them that this is the name of the game: look smart, don't risk making mistakes says, Carol Dweck, Stanford University psychology professor.
• We also harm their long-term performance. Because when they do take a risk and inevitably stumble, kids fed a steady diet of praise rarely receive failure as an invitation to try, try again.

Again, we ask how did we get here?  We know technology has changed the game but so has parenting.  In the early 70's the Self-Esteem movement of parenting began. In a Columbia University study of American parents, 85% said it was important to praise their children's intelligence in order for kids to feel smart. Dweck concluded from her study that the self-esteem movement changed people's intuition, their common sense.

We have created a generation that expects to be rewarded for just showing up.  We need to challenge them more and give them more credit and realize they will rise up to the standards we set. Kids are used to going into different environments and figuring out what's valued, how to succeed, and what's going to be praised. What we need to be aware of is that our constant praise is not cultivating self-esteem or resilience.

Help by Calibrating the FREQUENCY and STYLE of our praise.

• "When kids are so focused on the outcome and see mistakes not as something they can learn from and overcome but as something to be defeated by, it contributes to more anxiety and worry. A mistake or a failure becomes something I AM, not something I can change.  'I'm so stupid. I'm so dumb. I'm no good at soccer.'" says author Kristin Race Mindful Parenting: Simple and powerful solutions for raising creative, engaged, happy kids in todays hectic world.

• Recognize that the way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice recommends Peggy O' Mara the editor and publisher of Mothering Magazine. Research is clear that RESILIENCE is equally important as that inner voice-if not more. And if our overwhelming praise is stripping them of the power to hop up and try again, then we're helping neither their competence nor their contentedness.

• We all want our kids to be safe but we need to realize is that if we weave a protective cocoon of hyperbole to shield them from harsh realities of the world, they'll emerge too weak and ill-equipped to bounce back from the inevitable obstacles.

• Understand that Praise fits into two categories; process-oriented and outcome-oriented. 
• Process focuses on effort, persistence, and resourcefulness.  When kids are praised for hard work they want to keep engaging in experiences.  They see that the process, not just the outcome, provides value.
• Outcome-oriented praise emphasizes the place they arrived rather than the effort exerted to get there. It becomes problematic when challenges arise, which kids perceive not as opportunities but as threats to the greatness their known to exhibit. If they attempt things they might fail and then everyone will have been wrong states Kristin Race.

• Be specific in your praise. Let them know exactly what they did right rather than general comments like "good job." That will go a long way according to Kristin Race.

• Make sure your praise is genuine. Kids know when you are insincere. What they truly desire and need is your mindful engagement and attention.

• Validate your childs area of interest and help them become their authentic self. This will help give them an internal security and may take edge off the inevitable setbacks and failures they will face.  Let them know you love them and your love is separate from their performance.  Connecting affection to achievement also turns love into a reward rather than a given, from author Ashley Merryman, NutureShock

I hope you find these resources as interesting, informational and influential as I did.  As a leader of young adults I think it is our responsibility to help them navigate through this information age and help them grow and mature to be responsible and successful adults that can contribute and give back.

10 Commandments of Good Human Relations

A great reminder for us all on how to treat others.

1. Speak to people. There is nothing as nice as a cheerful word or greeting.

2. Smile at people. It takes 72 muscles to frown, only 14 to smile.

3. Call people by name. The sweetest music to anyone's ears is the sound of their own name.

4. Be friendly and helpful. If you would have friends, be friendly.

5. Be cordial. Speak and act as if everything you do is a genuine pleasure.

6. Be genuinely interested in all people. You can like almost everybody...if you try.

7. Be generous with praise and cautious with criticism.

8. Be considerate with the feelings of others.  It will be appreciated.

9. Be thoughtful of the opinions of others.  There are usually three sides to a controversy: yours, the other persons and the right one.

10. Be alert to give service. What counts most in life is what we do for others.

Add to this a great sense of humor, a big dose of patience, and dash of humility and you will be rewarded many-fold.

-Robert G. Lee

WHY Confidence is Contagious

There are certain truths to leadership. Every group has a leader.  Good effective leaders have both good character and skill traits.  The group will take on the personality of their leader.  Here is a great article on VCU Head men's basketball coach Shaka Smart a well respected and successful leader.  The five core values of his program are appreciation, enthusiasm, competitiveness, unselfishness, and accountability.  He breeds confidence and a positive growth mindset everyday into his players and his staff.  http://sportsworld.nbcsports.com/the-tao-of-shaka/

It is easy to see WHY Shaka is a leader and WHY people follow him.  The WHY of your leadership philosophy is your foundation.  We all usually spend a lot of time on how to lead but first we must know WHY we lead! Here are a few of my personal WHYs.

1.          Why are you a leader?

a.     PG

b.     Experience

c.      To grow myself and others. Demand the best from myself and those around me.

d.     Constant pursuit of professional and personal growth. 

e.     Willing to do the hard work and willing to fail and learn.

     2.          Why should people follow you?

a.     Want to learn, grow, and be challenged.

b.     Character: loyal, honest, hard work, trustworthy, fun, positive, honest

c.      Skill: development, experience in all facets of basketball, think ahead, initiative, prepared, resourceful

d.     Mindset: Grit, Guts, Gumption
e.   Care about others well being both personally and professionally

     3.          Why is Leadership important?

a.     Guides others through life and life decisions

b.     Guides family

c.      Establish Core values and vision

d.     Direction

e.     Defines Character

f.      Discipline

g.     Maximizes potential

h.     Demands excellence

i.       Significance vs success

j.       Empower, Mentor, Teach, Lead, Breed confidence

k.     Teach skill and character

WHERE is your leadership?

So far we have covered WHO, WHAT, WHEN, and today we look at the WHERE questions of your leadership philosophy. 

The WHO questions should of helped you define the type of person you are and WHO you want to lead and learn from.

The WHAT segment hopefully helped you define your role, your followers needs, and WHAT you believe about leadership.

Your WHEN answers should have helped you define times WHEN you are a good leader and times WHEN you need to be more effective.

Now it is time to reflect on WHERE you want to be a leader and WHERE  you need to grow as a leader. I have included a few of my personal answers to the questions.  I hope you are enjoying the process of developing your leadership philosophy. 

Here are the 4 WHERE questions:
 

     1.     Where are you a leader?

a.     Work

b.     Family

 

     2.     Where do you want to be as a leader?

a.     Be more polished and confident as a public speaker

b.     Head Coach

c.      Confident-Sure-Bold-Effective manager of people

     3.     Where do I need to grow in order to be where I want to be?

a.     Professional Network-network up

b.     Experience as Head Coach and decision maker

c.      Keep growing as a leader/teacher/mentor/coach

d.     Personal growth

     4.     Where do I want to take my group?

a.     PGs: vocal, confident, lead by example, close knit, trusting, maximize potential as players, leaders and people

 

The 3 WHENs of Leadership

Part of being a good leader is knowing what your strengths and weaknesses are and surrounding yourself with people who compliment those areas.  So far we have discussed the WHO and WHAT of developing your leadership philosophy, today, we are going to address the WHEN. 

Understanding WHEN you are at your best and WHEN you are not can help you recognize the areas you need to improve in as a leader and in what areas you excel. Also, understanding your WHEN helps you know what situations you may not be the most effective leader you can be.  You may also learn that you thrive during crisis situations!  Take some time and really be honest with yourself about when you are an effective leader and when you are not.  I have included a few of my personal answers to the questions down below. 

 

     1.     When do you need to lead?

a.     Teaching new concept.

b.   Group lacks direction.

c.   Feel uncertain or unsure on next steps. Help organize and create action plan.

d.   Group lacks confidence and needs a boost.

e.      Finding a solution to a problem.

 

     2.     When are you most effective at leading?

a.     When overprepared and clear plan.

b.     Comfortable with material.

c.      When things need positive vibe.

d.     When things get hard or tough.

     3.     When are you least effective when leading?

a.      Not confident in what teaching or feel unprepared.

b.     Teaching people who don’t care or listen.

c.     When angry.

d.      When task I don’t want to do or indifferent about.

 

The 5 WHAT questions

Hopefully you have spent some time thinking about the WHO questions of your leadership philosophy.  Remember the key to building anything great and sustainable is to have a solid foundation.  With that in mind let's discover more about the 5 WHAT questions needed to develop your leadership philosophy.   Take some quiet time to reflect and enjoy the process!  I have included a few of my own personal WHAT answers. 

     1.     What is your role?

a.     Make my boss' job easier and support decisions.

b.     Mentor younger coaches/peers/former players.

c.      Encourage, support and maximize potential of players mentally, physically & emotionally.

     2.     What do your followers need?

a.     Players: time, love, energy, direction, discipline, basketball skill set, life skills, emotional support

b.     Coaches: professional & personal growth, how to be a professional, direction, goals, mentors

     3.     What are your strengths?

a.     Continual Learner

b.     Consistent

c.      Calm, collected, fun

d.     Trust, loyal, respectful, professional

     4.     What are your weaknesses?

a.     Communication:can be too short on words  

b.     Controlled emotions: lack of immediate reaction can be seen as aloof

c.      Network Up better 

     5.     What do you believe to be true about Leadership?

a.     Leadership is about People

b.     Leadership is about relationships. People have to know you care, are competent and trustworthy.

c.     Groups want discipline and consistent accountability principles.

d.     Hard conversations usually lead to growth.

e.     There are different types of leadership styles:  by example, energy, vocal, & by position-title.

f.       For effective leadership everyone involved in the group has to be willing to receive info & communicate out.

g.     All groups have a leader.

h.     Everyone needs a coach and a cheerleader.

i.       Time and tone are important.

j.       Catch people doing things right.

k.     Praise publicly and criticize privately.